Shiver me timbers, etc.

You may remember that some time ago we wrote about sonic scrapbook merchant Josh Console, ADHD’s very own Fatboy Slim. Since then he’s been hard at work producing stuff as part of the Pirate Soundsystem, sensibly having realised that remixing credible artists with your mates is about 500% more enjoyable and profitable than sitting in your bedroom making Rage Against The Machine records sound even more stupid ever will be.

One of Pirate Soundsystem’s latest remixes is for Hadouken!’s excellent new single ‘Liquid Lives’, which is out this week. In true Josh Console style the remix is loud, glitchy, stupid, needlessly showy, borderline unlistenable - and fucking brilliant.

It starts off with the sound of Pirates repeatedly throwing Hadouken! (and the entire contents of their kitchen cupboards) down the stairs, before morphing into a great big daft UK Garage track that bounces, twists and turns all over the shop, turning the original into a veritable rollercoaster of beats, bleeps and the obligatory MASSIVE RAVE SIRENS.

It’s such a good idea for a remix that Hadouken! themselves have done similar things on their own equally ’heavy’ ‘re-rub’ of the single.

You can listen to a clip of the PS version here. As well as looking at this.

Not Scandinavian or a band

Bat For Lashes, it says here, is the stage name of Brighton-based songwriter Natasha Khan, which is a shock, since we thought - not unreasonably, all things considered - that it was actually some sort of Scandinavian folk band.

It’s this kind of in-depth, wide-ranging knowledge that really sets us apart from the other blogs, don‘t you think?

Anyway. The last thing BFL (a strangely menacing acronym, we’re sure you’ll agree) had out was ‘Priscilla’ - a mildly-diverting bit of weirdo-pop that had a really worrying video.

Their HER new single is called ’What’s A Girl To Do’ and it doesn’t so much blow that release out of the water as violently drown it at an isolated promontory before hiding the body in some clifftop woods.

Imagine Sarah Nixey (if your brother wore eyeliner and read Melody Maker during the 90s you will know all about her) lamenting over a more-drummy Felt Mountain-era Goldfrapp and you’re halfway towards calculating this record’s brilliance.

The video - where animals do BMX stunts in time to the music - is great too. Basically the whole ’affair’ is really very good and manages to rival Feist in 2007’s unexpected-amazingness stakes. Well worth investigating.

The Friday/Saturday/Fuck Actually Knows Quiz

1) What colour is Patrick Wolf’s hair?

a) Orange
b) Purple
c) Blue
d) Green

2) According to the title of his album, what did Calvin Harris invent?

a) Scotland
b) Disco
c) a cure for Cancer
d) the light bulb

3) Kitsuné compilations are very cutting edge and popular with people who look after their hair. Which TWO of the following are genuine acts on the latest one?

a) Riot In Belgium
b) Je Peu Enlever Ma Veste
c) Neon Jeans
d) Punks Jump Up

4) What did Muse recently do at Wembley stadium?

a) play a big concert
b) watch the F.A. Cup Final
c) run the touting for the George Michael gig
d) nothing

5) Which is the best CSS song out of the following?

a) Patins
b) Alala
c) Let’s Make Love And Listen To Death From Above
d) Meeting Paris Hilton

6) What is Alex James’ autobiography called?

a) Bit of a Blur
b) Red Wine and Soho
c) Poncing About
d) The Good Looking One Out Of Blur


Good luck with those, especially number five. The answers to the last quiz were, “two, at a push”, “Deadline”, “Etheridge”, “Life On Mars”, “New Wave” and “64”. Well done if you got those right, you win absolutely fucking nothing.

Chemically Enhanced

When they released ‘Surrender’ way back in 1999, few could have foreseen quite how spectacularly The Chemical Brothers would then go off the creative boil.

It seemed that after the delivery of that masterpiece, they were far too busy doing things like finding a way of being bald and having long hair at the same time and not wearing any shoes to find the time to make the kind of amyl-soaked, neo-psychedelic bangers that made their name.

Since then, we’ve had only flashes of their original brilliance (this has literally amounted to no more than five instances of thinking ‘oh, that sounds alright’ while listening to their music).

This is one of those instances, TIMES A FUCKING MILLION.

Forget ‘sounding alright’, this record sounds bloody amazing. A perfect fusion of both bands’ respective sounds, it does exactly as all good collaborations should by giving the listener the best of both worlds, like some kind of rave-based Crunch Corner.

Over the top of the daftest ‘slice’ of Big Beat (a type of music that people used to dance to in the 1990s) you’ll ever hear again, neon new boys Klaxons do their thing (ie making not a lot of sense and doing those weird spiralling harmony things) to perfection.

For once it sounds like the Chemicals actually have a vague knowledge of how to produce a dance record, too - what at first sounds simple turns out to be packed with little hooks and nuances, and each time the ‘chorus’ arrives, well, it hits you with the approximate force of a tsunami made up of a million wrecking balls.

It remains to be seen whether this marks a proper return to form or just another blip in The Chemical Brothers’ post-millennial mediocrity - new album ‘We Are The Night’ will settle that one - but for now, break out the room aroma, snap a glowstick or two, throw some shapes and, for God’s sake, PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS IN THE AIR.

A live review of Calvin Harris

Calvin Harris, Manchester Academy 3, 2 June 2007



Calvin Harris must have a lot of faith in his material because he plays top ten smash hit ‘Acceptable In The 80s’ just four songs into this very sweaty, very short and very amazing live set. As you’d expect it raises the roof and after a quick break to blow his nose (he’s got a cold coming on) the Tallest Man In Electro goes about the rest of the show in spectacular fashion.

Not a song here is wasted. ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Attitude’ threatens to melt the entire venue down into a sticky funk nugget, while ‘The Girls’ is greeted in a way that should really be reserved for global dignitaries or rich grandparents.

By the time he gets round to closing the set with a gigantic version of ‘Vegas’, Calvin has got the crowd eating out of the palm of his keyboard-playing hand. “I like them Manchester girls!” he shouts. They like you too Calvin, and the boys are pretty keen too.

Twangin' Out

Sadly for fans of music everywhere The Twang released their debut album this week. If you haven’t heard it, just imagine sticking your head in a bucket of water and running at a photograph of the word POINTLESS until you knock yourself out and drown.

Here are nearly ten reasons why The Twang should call it a day with immediate effect.


:: No band needs two singers unless that band is Simon & Garfunkel, in which case it is something of a necessity, but no less of a bad thing.

:: Releasing a debut single that sounds like your dad fronting The Mock Turtles is really no way to start a career.

:: The only good thing to ever come out of Birmingham is trains to other places.

:: While Twang might be a good name to describe what teenage boys do to girls’ bra straps, it goes without saying that it’s an absolutely terrible name for a band.

:: FYI, the band reportedly had to change their name (from ‘Neon Twang’) after their fans’ violent behaviour at pub gigs (including beating up people who weren’t there to see the band) threatened to hinder their career.

:: Which is lovely, is it not?

:: http://www.hmv.co.uk/hmvweb/displayProductDetails.do?ctx=280;-1;-1;-1&sku=401080

:: Swearing is both big AND clever, but when every other word you use in interviews is an expletive it might be time that you bought yourself a dictionary.

:: Not even the NME could pretend not to be disappointed with the album.

:: The name Phil Etheridge is clearly more suited to a darts player than it is to a singer.


And there you have it. Obviously this is a conclusive list and no debate regarding a further career for The Twang will be entered into whatsoever. Now could someone send them into the office so they can get their P45s?

A live review of The Whip

The Whip - Manchester Roadhouse - 23 May 2007

After what the people who watch films for a living might call a ‘scene-stealing’ performance from support band Daggers, you’d forgive The Whip for being a bit nervous about tonight’s homecoming show at the tiny Roadhouse venue.

Luckily though, for band and audience, the only nerves that come into play this evening are those linking the disco synapse with the robot rave receptors.

Playing the sort of dark, groove-ridden electrorock that always feels slightly illegal, The Whip fill the packed dancefloor with an atmosphere of such intensity it would have musical forbears Daft Punk rushing to cower behind their dressing up box long before you could scream “I WANNA BE TRAAAASH!” The band rattle through their ‘greatest hits’: ‘Muzzle No. 1‘, ‘Trash’, ’Frustration’ - all pumped to the gills with techno anabolics and deployed with devastating effect.

By the end of the set the temperature inside the venue has reached a dangerous level and the band are forced to endure several minutes of whooping and clapping by the audience, as they try and cool the venue down enough for them to play on. Sadly it doesn’t work. The only consolation is that The Whip, along with their brand of robot rave warehouse rock, work better than anyone could possibly have hoped for.

Albums Round-up

Albums are what songs used to come in before you could get them individually packaged off itunes. They are quite good if you want to get a sense of what an artist ‘is about’, but not so good if you’re pushed for time (some clock in at well over 30 minutes).

With that in mind we’ve produced this ingenious - and time saving - list of albums that we’ve been listening to recently. We’ve also rated them in the form of what animal they would be if they encountered a bizarre genetic experiment, which admittedly is quite arbitrary, but should help you decide which ones are worth bothering with.


Sophie Ellis Bextor - Trip The Light Fantastic
A deranged, hyperactive mongrel that accidentally wins Crufts with its wonky brilliance.

Dragonette - Galore
A fox that is sexually attractive to humans.

Groove Armada - Soundboy Rock
An old horse who’s had steroid injections and is able to run a few more good races before disastrously crashing into a small record shop that only sells reggae.

Amerie - Because I Love It
A kitten with entertaining behavioural quirks that is quite fun to play with but has a tendency to become a bit much sometimes.

Feist - The Reminder
The sweetest and most placid little bird you will ever try to catch.

KISS DOES RAVE!!!1!
Two fish - one big, one small. The big fish is nostalgic about the old days, while the small fish is full of ASBO swagger. Both are unaware that they’re swimming in a cardboard box.

Rihanna - Good Girl Gone Bad
An amazing exotic pet that you think is going to be shitloads of fun but turns out to be a bit of an effort, but you don’t mind making the effort most of the time because it’s worth it.

Manic Street Preachers - Send Away The Tigers
An old donkey whose fur is sporadically pleasant but otherwise quite lifeless.

The Twang - Love It When I Feel Like This
A dead cow.