It's been a while...

ALBUM REVIEW
Britney Spears - Blackout

The last couple of years have been about as kind to Britney Spears as allied forces have to Iraq. Divorces, car crashes (figurative and literal), ill-considered haircuts, binge weekends away in Malibu; all have taken their toll on the one-time pop princess.

Which makes it all the more important that ‘Blackout’, her first collection of new material in four years, should be at least halfway decent. 2007 Britney needs a relevant, smash hit-sounding, filler-free album with which to re-establish her flagging career.

Happily, that’s exactly what she’s got: ‘Blackout’ is not only Britney Spears’ best work, but also one of the best pop records to emerge in the last two years.

Its overseers (although the album bears the legend ‘EXECUTIVE PRODUCER: BRITNEY SPEARS’, it is doubtful how much time she actually had for such duties) can be proud of their smash-and-grab magpie act, having successfully lifted left, right and centre elements of the most successful mainstream music.

The Timbaland-tinged groove of comeback single ‘Gimme More’ is replicated on ‘Get Naked (I Got A Plan)’ (both tracks come courtesy of Mr. Mosley’s protégé Danja); ‘Piece Of Me’ sounds like Britney covering a lost Robyn track; while ‘Radar’ resembles Gwen Stefani and Outkast getting sample-happy with ‘Tainted Love’.

What is important amidst all this production pilfering is that you never once doubt you are listening to an album by Britney Spears. Her trademark vocals are everywhere, giving voice to funny, fly, self-referential lyrics and sounding truly confident in the music.

Music which, it has to be said, is bloody exciting. Pulse-quickening pop (‘Heaven On Earth’, ‘Ooh Ooh Baby’) sits alongside menacing dubstep (‘Freakshow’), and by the time you reach the raging machinegun snares of ‘Toy Soldier’ you’ll be in urgent need of a darkened room in which to lie down.

Suddenly, “the legendary Britney Spears” sounds less like cringeworthy hyperbole, and more like an astute prediction of things to come.

9/10

Annoying

Or how about we keep our MySpace exactly as it is, and you start paying for your own advertising instead of asking your fans to do it for you?

Leohno Lewis

Get ready for the most implausible news story of the weekend. Rav Singh, the one who is always banging on about “my good mates Westlife” and who makes Victoria Newton look like a shining beacon of journalistic rigour and integrity, reports that Amy Winehouse has been ditched by James Bond producers in favour of Leona Lewis.

“They reckon the X Factor winner… is the girl with the golden voice [BINGO!] and want her to perform the signature tune for the film”

Wow. So where did Rav get this burning hot piece of goss? Presumably Barbara Broccoli “phoned him up” to tell him the good news. No? Well, it must have been someone pretty high up at [Bond producers] EON, surely.

“A pal said…”

*sound of needle being taken off a record a la X Factor*

A pal? A PAL?! Despite the fact the word ‘pal’ is probably one of the worst in the world, there is a big problem with its use - these ‘pals’ usually never exist. Still, let’s have a look at what Leona’s good ‘pal’ (ie. Singh’s imagination) said:

“Leona’s beaming from ear to ear at being asked to be part of such a huge movie”.

We bet she is.

“She thinks it’s a real honour to follow in the footsteps of BLAH BLAH BLAH”

Of course she does.

This ‘news’ comes just days after it was sensationally revealed elsewhere that everyone’s favourite user of Class A drugs has been carted from her job by everyone’s favourite androgynous whinger Ville Valo of Finnish ‘metallers’ HIM. So what’s going on? Maybe someone at Leona’s record company knows. Says BMG:

“Leona’s management are in talks with various movie producers at the moment for a number of projects”

Well that clears that up then.

The new Robyn video...

...is quite disturbing.



Especially the bit where she dry humps the bear.

Katie Melua

If you were a sailboat, I would saild you off a waterfall. After setting you on fire. And fleeing in a helicopter.

GO AWAY.

Some Things For The Weekend

Get this lot on your mp3 player, hook it up to some speakers, TURN IT UP LOUD, and you will probably have sex with every person in the room (NB. Don't try this round at your mum's house).

Foals - Hummer
We really cannot get enough of this.

Bloc Party - Flux
This is quite good, and very danceable, but Kele and Co. might want to think about whether positioning themselves somewhere between Fischerspooner and The Bravery’s ’Honest Mistake’ is their wisest plan of action ‘going forward’.

Remi Nicole - Go Mr. Sunshine (Punks Jump Up Remix)
In which faintly irritating Nash/Allen amalgam Nicole gets her breakthrough tune remixed into arse-shaking reggaerave glory by the Dance To Our Disco duo. Tight and bouncy, like an over-inflated football.

All of The Real Heat’s tunes.
They are basically perfect.

The Ting Tings - Fruit Machine
Ditto.

The Duloks - (I’m Gonna Follow) Your Star Trail
Listen carefully to this and it sounds like a lot of shouting with some drums thrown in. Which is kind of what it is, albeit wildly addictive shouting and drumming, with some lovely keyboard noises in the background. Turn this record up really loud and it sounds like dancing under a waterfall made of stars.

Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts
Still not rubbish, this one is ‘a grower’. The whole ‘Chungking as done by a burlesque kickline’ thing is still working. The “woo” bit is fun. You either like it or you do not.

Britney Spears - Blackout (LP)
Totally and unexpectedly amazing.

Digitalism - Idealistic
“I have an idea” scream Digitalism. Clearly that idea was to make a properly fierce bastard of a club track, which goes off in about 43 different directions before ending in precisely the same way as it started. Squelchy and acidic, like a rotten lemon.


HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!
x

Graffiti My Hole*

It’s Friday, so it must be time to dish out some a prizes.

Earlier in the week we asked you to look at a picture and see if you could decipher who the popstar on the left was, and what they were doing to that wall.

This is the picture.

Well, this time we had a record 7 million entrants, from all over the globe. One lucky winner has been chosen at random and they will be notified over the weekend. The answer to our question was of course that it was Katie out of The Ting Tings in the photo, being artistic in aid of her band’s new single ‘Fruit Machine’, which you can ONLY buy at the four launch shows they are doing to promote it (see their MySpace for details).

We got drunk and forgot to get one : (

You can read about the events at Islington Mill (which is where these pictures were taken, expertly, by our own professionally-trained ‘snapper’) over at this other blog here.

x

Ps. Look at the giant pencil crayon. AMAZING.


*as in dingy music venue, obv.

Call the DJs

As sure as Girls Aloud are followed by a gang of slavering camerapervs, so too their singles are trailed by countless remixes, ‘club edits‘ and so on. Sometimes the remixes are very good. Often, they are terrible. Below are details of one remix that is very good and one that is not as good but still quite good. See if you can guess which is which.

Call The Shots - Lamezma Remix
Ah, good old Tony Lamezma. With him, you always know what you’re getting; which is to say pounding beats and lashings of euphoria, usually. This mix is no exception, and although it takes a good one-and-three-quarter minutes to ‘kick off’, it does so with such dizzy glee that a clearer invite to break open the Liquid Gold you will not hear all year. PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP, etc.

Call The Shots - Xenomania Mix
Not content with just writing Girls Aloud’s songs, Xenomania have also taken to remixing them. Of course, with this being Higgins & Company, nothing is straightforward. What was once a sweet discopop number becomes a terrifying parry of old school beats and dinosaur farts. Which might sound great, but when all you want to do is dance, the extra meddling only serves to scupper things - a bit like laying speed bumps on a motorway.

(Click the title of each remix for a YouTube-tastic fan 'video').

Obscurer with Paul Smith

Hi fans!

I realise a lot of my recent columns have been a bit ‘Paul-centric’ so for this week’s trip down memory lane I am going to keep myself well out of it and just go on about the tune.

This week’s Obscurer track is ‘Private Party’ by Bobby Nunn. Way back in the day, before the standard response became a smack in the face, one could stroll into a record emporium, bark “Funk!” at the attendant and expect to be handed several of Bobby’s fine vinyls. This is the best.

A taut mass of bass and synth, ‘Private Party’ exemplifies a style of music from which, amongst others, Beck Hansen (aka Beck) would later draw inspiration for his 1999 party funk odyssey, ’Midnite Vultures’. In its high-pitched synth stabs and lyrical invitations to a ‘private party…just me and you’ one can also hear the tune’s influence on Chromeo, in particular their fantastic track ‘Fancy Footwork’.

Ultimately, Maximo Park is a funk band. We take just as much inspiration from the party spirit embedded within each of these records as we do the dark desolation at the heart of, say, Joy Division’s work. This causes some schizophrenia. In partying terms, we are a bit like the person who dances for half an hour before sitting in the corner crying for ages.

At the end of ‘Private Party’, a woman starts to make a sound that is a bit like crying, but not quite. It isn’t really a laugh either, although it’s close. Whatever she is doing, I have never heard a woman make that noise, and because it was in the past, we may never know what was wrong with her. How depressing.

Bye kids!

Paul
x

Book Of The Week

FUCKING HELL

The Wednesday X Games

BOING!

Here is a game involving some new songs by Kylie Minogue.

‘Namely’:

:: 2 Hearts
:: Like A Drug
:: The One
:: In My Arms

All of these songs are taken from Kylie’s new album, ‘X’. They are very good.

Here is what you must do.

1) Click here.
2) Enter whatever bollocks it asks you for.
3) Download the ‘mixtape’.
4) Listen to it.
5) Try and guess which of the four tracks has been produced by Calvin Harris.


(NB. This ’game’ is easier than pissing on the floor).

Genuine Temperature

You know about The Real Heat, right?

You know they’re The Sugababes you wouldn’t take home to meet your mum; Hadouken! fronted by Salt-N-Pepa (and Mixed Chillies), En Vogue mixed with pure evil.

You know they look and sound amazing, even if all of their photographs have been neon-filtered to oblivion (see picture) and the .gifs on their MySpace page are epilepsy-inducing.

You know that the Richard X-produced ’Come We Go’ sounds like Kelis might if she wasn’t so sexless; that ‘U Know’ sounds like having a pill-induced night(club)mare and that ‘Stand and Deliver’ sounds like being robbed by a sledgehammer-wielding Keisha Buchanan.

But…

DID.
YOU.
KNOW.

Shaki out of The Real Heat’s favourite takeaway? No you did not.

Take it away, Shaki!

“My favourite is Chinese special fried rice, Chicken Chow Mein, Bottle of Coke, Prawn Crackers and Chicken Balls or Jamaican Oxtail and Rice. Just thinking about it's making me hungry!”

Just thinking about it is making us feel full.

Revelations about The Real Heat less food-based than that can be found in a shoddy little interview located on this internet page right here.


With thanks to Northernights.co.uk.

Ooh Ooh Baby

Britney Spears is still a mad old bat, but her new album is AMAZING.

Really.

Full review next week. In the meantime, enjoy this advert for it:



Of the three new songs mentioned in that video:

:: One sounds like Britney covering a lost Robyn song, for reasons that will become obvious to anyone who takes a look at the album’s credits.
:: One sounds like Gwen‘s ‘The Sweet Escape’ single mixed with ‘Tainted Love’.
:: One sounds a bit like Britney’s own comedy track ‘Do Somethin’’, but a million times better and completely different in every conceivable sense.

There is also a song on the album featuring ridiculously filthy innuendo.

It is all very good.

One hand in my pocket

TUNE OF THE WEEK, THE
Palladium - High 5

Palladium kick the anaemic flutepop of previous release ‘Happy Hour’ firmly into touch with ‘High 5’, three-and-a-half minutes of sexy, spunk-splattered indie, which exhibits the sort of sassiness Franz Ferdinand might achieve were they not so interested in ‘angular’ German bands from 20 years ago.

A fidgety piano-led racket where the verses are too small for the lyrics and the power chords too big for the chorus, the band’s second single sees them staging the kind of glitter-filled riot they promised that they would. Which makes it tune of the week. That, and the fact that it’s got a great video:



You wouldn’t exactly rip up a poster of that singer would you?

4.3/5

Competition Time!

Do you want to win some rubbish?

Of course you do, and you’ve come to the right place.

All you have to do to stand a chance of winning said rubbish is take a look at the picture below, then have a little think about it and tell us:

Who is the popstar on the right and what are they doing?

Email your answer to the usual address.

Best entry gets a prize of your our choosing.

Unfortunately, she got the part

Contrary to popular belief, it is not just the last twelve months that have seen Britney Spears transformed into a uniquely irritating individual. No, the umbrella-wielding lunatic has always been deeply, deeply annoying, despite being responsible for one of the most perfect pop songs of all time (you know the one).

Saying that Britney Spears is annoying might be akin to proclaiming the sea to be wet, but without seeing things like the video that follows - which features a more fresh-faced Britney making an arse of herself in a red catsuit and even giving Cheryl Tweedy a run for her money in the ‘pulling stupid faces in pop videos’ stakes - it is easy to forget.

If you can watch it all the way through without kicking your monitor in you are better than us.



Ps. Does anyone have ANY IDEA what the bit with the astronaut is all about?

Some kind of mix up

Do you want the good news or the fucking brilliant news? Well sit down and shut up because you’re getting both. The good news is that impeccable Manchester listings website Northernights has started a blog, which can be found over here.

The fucking brilliant news is that to celebrate this they’ve released a mix, simply called ‘35 Records’, which, while “not anything like a full assessment of our music passions”, should be enough to keep any sane-minded person dancing until at least February.

The mix is proving to be a bit of a bastard to download at the moment, but given the artists in there - Klaxons, Foals, The Tings Tings, The Whip - should be well worth the wait.

A free mix and plenty of words await you here.

Call it a day, Borrell

After the success of Five Reasons Why Calvin Harris Is An Amazing Popstar, we got our 'star columnist' Cherry T back for another rant, this time about Mr. Jonathan Borrell of Shoreditch Parish…


Hello. Recently I had the misfortune of seeing Razorlight perform a show in Edinburgh.

Luckily for me I did not pay for the tickets, or else I would have shot my own feet off for being so utterly stupid. The experience left such a bitter taste I had to write this:


5 Reasons Why You Should NOT Go And See Johnny Borrell Perform With Razorlight.

1) His distinct lack of taste when it comes to clothes. Any top with a ‘cleavage show’ should only be sold to people who have two X chromosomes. I wouldn’t necessarily mind if Borrell had any form of musculature, but he doesn’t, so there we go.

2) The second Razorlight album is boring. This might sound harsh but it is true. I liked their earlier stuff but if I hadn’t got into this gig for free I would have requested a fee for turning up.

3)In July 2005, Razorlight performed at London’s Hyde Park for Live 8 (you may remember Johnny ’controversially’ swearing on BBC1). They were the only band that did not donate their extra revenue to charity. The band subsequently claimed that due to their "fledgling status" and overall greed, they were unable to make such a commitment. Ergo, Razorlight hate orphans, especially ones from the third world.

4) Snaggle-toothed Kirsten Dunst recently dumped Johnny Borrell for “being a slob“. If the man isn’t good enough for THAT droopy-eyed fuckwit, he sure as hell ain’t good enough for the rest of us! He is a walking advert for Sorting Yourself Out.

5) Hypocrisy. In May 2006, Johnny Borrell commented that The Kooks music was “shit” and the that the lead singer is “boring”. Although Borrell was largely correct in making these remarks, he simply cannot talk.

Seeing Razorlight live is a cold and uninvolving experience. The only time I felt like singing along was when Borrell pronounced “I really, really wish I could be somewhere else”. In fact, I shouted along to that bit, while throwing popcorn at the stage. It was the only time I’ve ever agreed with Johnny Borrell.

Thank you.

X


(Thanks to Cherry T for this).

A Phoenix Is Rising

Notes on the new Girls Aloud single, ‘Call The Shots’.

:: It is a very good pop song, nothing more, nothing less.
:: It sounds like the girls sashaying their way through the last Sophie Ellis Bextor album.
:: Which is obviously a very good thing.
:: It features a bit where you think there is going to be a Bono-esque lyric about famine, but it turns out to be the “hunger in my heart” that is on Nadine’s mind.
:: (This must be a metaphor because you don’t feed hearts).
:: Compared to the panting, red-faced onslaughts of previous Girls Aloud singles like ‘Sexy! No No No‘, ‘Call The Shots’ sounds like a chillout track.
:: In other words, it’s a mid-tempo disco number.
:: In true Girls Aloud style, it’s got a low-budget video that looks like a catalogue shoot:



Hurrah!
4/5

Urgent Facebook News

Copy + pasted from a message delivered to members of this group...

"Friends, foes and fanatics,

As you may, may not, or would care to know, your new favourite band (Daggers, of course) are releasing a very very special slice of prime ear beef into the world on Monday 22nd October.

The limited-edition double a-side single contains the super SMASH hits "Money" and "Magazine".

It's probably going to get to number one in the hit parade.
It's probably going to change the world.
It's may be the best thing you'll ever hear.

But it will DEFINITELY change your life.

To download the MP3s go here.

And to slap up one of the 750 limited-edition 7" plastic sex vinyls, go here.


do it. before it's too late.
it's always too late."
-

Simple. First link gets you the mp3s, the second gets you one of 750 'plastic sex vinyls'. Whatever they are.

FYI 'Money' is one of the best tunes we've heard all year and well worth 79p of anybody's money.

Foals for love

We meant to do this ages ago but forgot.

However, since it looks like Foals are ABSOLUTELY FUCKING BRILLIANT, and that their splendidly arse-swinging ditty ‘Hummer’ is going to have done to it by this series of Skins what the first did to that Gossip song, we think it is time to have a little look at the band’s first foray into ‘getting something on The Hits’, ie. the video for ‘Hummer’.

Let’s have a look at what’s in store:

:: Fast editing
:: Several colours
:: Jerky dancing
:: General air of media studies about the whole thing

00.00 - Do not attempt to watch the beginning of this video if you are drunk.
00.06 - Or hungover.
00.18 - Nice blue jumper there.
00.20 - Or is it a cardigan?
00.22 - Definitely a cardie.
00.32 - CRASH ZOOM! This is Yannis, the man who answered the phone to whatserface while lying shirtless on the floor in the Skins MySpace special and then later went on to play this very tune to a roomful of ‘competition winners’ (ie. unpaid extras).
00.38 - And he’ll have someone’s head off jerking his guitar about like that.
00.51 - The guy behind the synth doesn’t look too involved, does he?
00.57 - DANCE ROUTINE! Break out the tennis gear.
01.24 - Not sure what the last ten seconds were all about.
01.25 - Or the next.
01.30 - In fact, this whole video has been a bit confusing.
01.42 - The camera has now got blue arms sticking out of it.
01.49 to 02.15 - Someone’s been at the Fischerspooner.

And that is that. The remainder of the video is quite disorientating and features the singer lying on the floor and the camera pretending to be a few people and then some more blue-armed people about to go for a swim.

Overall: 9/10

Judge for yourself below.



Incidentally, after our original article about Foals they sent us a lovely email, which amongst other things revealed that they are “working on the haircuts” (a reference to our assertion that they had achieved “varying haircut success“). That was nice of them, was it not?

Yes it was. If you would like to be nice like Foals then you can email us here.

THANKS.
x

We like a good 'Wooh'

TUNE O’ THE WEEK
Kylie Minogue - 2 Hearts


Contrary to widespread opinion, ‘2 Hearts’ is not shit.

HOWEVER.

What is slightly annoying about this whole affair is Ms. Minogue’s habit of sitting on her arse for three years (admittedly she had Quite A Good Excuse this time) while other innovators, in this case Goldfrapp and Chungking, do all the hard work, only for Kylie’s inferior producers to come along and polish said work into something Radio 1 will consider playing.

The song is a big old glam stomp which sounds like ‘Love Is Here To Stay’ by Chungking as performed by a burlesque cabaret kickline. Obviously this is a good thing, but the feeling remains that, even before its release, we’ve heard it all before (not helped by rumours that the tune has been ‘circulating’ for four years). Kylie will need to be packing much more than this for her album to be anything other than a strictly commercial success.

4.5 out of 7


The video, however, is impeccable:



GMTV LOL

FYI the same goes for the artwork:





Bloody hell, etc.

Breaking Galore

We were walking through a shop the other day and saw this:

Which means we should probably repost this:

ALBUM REVIEW
Dragonette - Galore

If an album comes out this year with a stronger opening than ‘Galore’ we will quite happily eat it with chips. The first three tracks, in particular ’Take It Like A Man’, are all solid gold masterpieces, destined to go down in pop history (probably).

Once you’re over the shock of hearing three of the year’s best songs back-to-back in under ten minutes, there’s plenty more fun to be had across the rest of the album.

From the insistent groove of fan favourite ‘Jesus Doesn’t Love Me’, to ‘True Believer’, which is the sound of Kate Bush at her poppiest, frotting on a rollercoaster, this album is something of a riot.

Dragonette’s best trick here though might actually be taking genres that other acts struggle with - like massive electro ballads or weird oompah piano plinkalongs (really) - and making them work surprisingly well.

‘Another Day’ sounds like Robyn popping anti-depressants with Nelly Furtado, and is brilliant, while ‘Get Lucky’ (which by rights should be the most hateable thing this side of a Twang single) is actually rather sweet.

The only complaint (apart from ‘Black Limousine’s peculiar ripping-off of the BrassEye theme) is that after such an amazing beginning, the end of the album seems awfully flat by comparison.

Indeed, by the time sub-Holly Valance closer ‘Marvellous’ ends you’ll be wishing they’d spent less time recording filler and more time making sure the actual classics were distributed more evenly throughout the album.

Nevertheless ‘Galore’ remains a triumph, albeit a lop-sided one.


457out of 500.

(You can add 30 to that mark).

JUST BUY THE FUCKING THING.

"Eye Candy"

Says avid reader Jen of the following video:

"Have you seen Shayne Ward's new one? Talk about eye candy; I'm going into a diabetic coma just watching it."



Quite.

Some songs that were quite good last week

Jojo - Too Little Too Late (Nice and Nero mix)
This ‘landed on our desk’ (ie. someone emailed it to us) this week, giving Ol’ Big Head’s finest moment its second appearance in our Midweek Chart (or Some Things For The Weekend, or Spinning Around, or whatever we were calling it back then). This remix is an unlistenable racket, but a mildly diverting one nonetheless.

Hitchcock - Top Of The World
Another from our inbox, this is a neat little slice of nrg-filled electropop, which sounds like a male-fronted Goldfrapp played slightly too fast.

Freaks - The Creeps
The original, not the shit new one.

Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
Helping us ‘squeeze the last drops’ from summer (by turning the heating up and drinking cocktails) are Justice, who, with this blissed-out Parisian disco hipshaker, are really spoiling us.

Head Automatica - Beating Heart Baby
In which Head Automatica (who, despite the name, do not make Swedish Death Metal, or Death Metal of any nationality for that matter) make a fairly convincing case for the continued existence of guitars and Americans by ’Oooo-ing’ their way through a sunkissed slice of melody-filled power pop.

NB. We are still listening to Hadouken! and Kathy Brown quite a bit too.

Vicky Nolan Update

Anyone sweating on the outcome of the great ‘where did the pictures of Vicky Nolan in a field go from her MySpace?’ saga will presumably have lost their own body weight in fluids twice over now, but can at last rest easy(-ish), now that Vicky herself has emailed to say:

“You weren’t on drugs, there were some pictures of me in a field but I took them off. Gonna revamp and reorganise my page in the next few weeks. Getting new pix taken this week which is very exciting (and a darn good excuse to buy a new wardrobe... oooh yeah).”

Vicky’s refurbished profile is here.

Quite a big Leap Of Faith...

So, Hadouken! have ‘put’ another demo ‘out’, called ‘Leap Of Faith’.

Here is what you need to know:

:: It is not their best song.
:: It is not their worst song.
:: It is a bit of a let down* in that, unlike Hadouken!’s other songs, it doesn’t make you want to paint yourself yellow and run into a wall.
:: It is basically rock music.

The best thing about the song is the ridiculously-earnest power rock chorus (which sounds like the theme tune from an eighties cartoon about heroes riding about on horses and saving people from evil mutants but then being banished from the kingdom because the mutants made it look like the heroes did something bad and the King believed them and so he sent the heroes into space and now they are trying to find a way back home while going on a series of adventures and - importantly - always doing the right thing).

The video for the song (which, unfortunately, does not follow the above treatment) is the least colourful thing Hadouken! have ever done, although there is a nice moment where some wires turn purple. Have a look:



It remains to be seen whether the band’s moody new direction (dark videos, emotional haircuts and riffs) is a permanent one, but let’s hope the album (out next year) is a bit more happy and a bit less hardcore.



*by the band’s own high standards, etc.

Some Things For The Weekend

Earn yourself some ‘cool points’ by whacking these on the stereo this w/e.

The Clik Clik - My Dunks
In which rather good new band The CCs (as no one is calling them) take three of our greatest loves - sarcasm, trainers and indiepopelectrodance - and turn them into a riot of a song in the ‘where the fuck did that come from?’ mould. Apparently they’ve got even more ‘up their sleeve’ (ie. on a computer somewhere).

Lethal Bizzle - Pow
Apparently there is a new form of music knocking about called ‘grime’, of which this track is said to be a fierce (us neither) example. It is early days for the genre but if things stay this exciting it could be brilliant. We will keep you posted on any developments in this new and exciting field of music.

Partyshank - Gary
You’re students for a reason. This isn’t it.

The Real Heat - Hearts Not Innit
We did an email interview with The Real Heat for something else last week, and they still haven’t sent their answers back. Probably because they are too busy being the country’s edgiest and best new girl group. They write this filth themselves, FYI.

Aly and AJ - Potential Breakup Song
We meant to mention this ages ago and can’t be bothered checking to see if we did or not so there you go. This is an amazing pop single. The rest of their stuff is a bit Kelly Clarkson but will probably suit people who enjoyed Pink’s ‘Missundazsszzstood’ just fine.

Kathy Brown vs. Lo Fi Fnk - Change Channel And Turn Me On
Many thanks to Ian from Clique for hooking us up with this track after we ran in his direction the other night, demanding to know what it was. Apparently it is available on a Kitsuné Mashup CD, although “the other tracks aren’t worth bothering with really”. This one is though. This one is amazing.

Darlings of the Splitscreen - Touched By Telepathy (Modernaire remix)
No idea what the original sounds like but if it’s as good as this remix, which, and let’s not judge something before we’ve actually heard it, it probably isn’t, it must be fucking great.

Dummy Lovin'

Do you remember the film ‘Mannequin’?

Neither do we, although we do have a vague recollection of it being about someone from the eighties having sex with someone else from the eighties, despite the fact that this other person was actually a shop dummy from a department store and only came to life at certain points, usually just in time for the sex.

This is basically the same plot as the video for ‘Another Penny’ by Martin Bryant, aka The Star Fighter Pilot, except in this there is no shagging and the dummy is bald. And we don’t think anyone wore a parka in ‘Mannequin’.

Anyway.

It’s quite a good video, if slightly disturbing. You can watch it below. The song itself sounds like To My Boy doing horse wobbler with Fischerspooner on a big comfy sofa, which is certainly no bad thing.

Watch the video
Go to The Star Fighter Pilot's MySpace

Enjoy.

Obscurer with Paul Smith

Hi fans!

Today I would like to talk about Mark Ronson’s last album. More specifically I would like to address the fact that he has chosen to release Amy Winehouse’s, version* of ‘Valerie’, rather than my version** of ‘Apply Some Pressure’, the world-conquering Maximo Park song that was so good I had to cover it myself.

A lot of people have asked me if I mind being snubbed like this, especially since my track is one of the best - if not the actual best - on the album. The answer is………….. NO! I totally do not mind that Mark is not using my track as a single, for me it was always more of an experiment anyway.

When I first had the idea of covering my own song, Mark was unsure. I had to track him down through his record company and ring him at home. I don’t think he was very happy about that but after half an hour of explaining who Maximo Park was and who I was he seemed to warm a little. I told him that I’d heard he was doing a covers album, and explained that I’d like to do one of my own, if that was okay.

This was because I am a naturally subversive person - example: the other day, I asked an old lady if I could have her seat on the bus - and I wanted to freak people out. I also had a small wager with one of my friends that I could get a little ‘double whammy’ going on with the writing and performance royalties.

Anyway, it all worked out perfectly and my song is available on all good copies of Mark Ronson’s fantastic covers album, ‘Version’.***

The reason I am not bothered about Amy Winehouse getting the single and not me is because I have poetry in my life - she only has drugs. Think about that.

Today’s Obscurer track is ‘Apply Some Pressure’ by Mark Ronson.

Thanks all, peace out!

Paul
X


*Now I understand why Mark called the album ’Version’.

**It’s quite clever, isn’t it?

***Not so much the third time.

Wicked Whispers

Shut the fuck up!

Which returning girl group is rumoured to be performing a mammoth 21-date arena run next January in London?


Which ‘controversial’ awards show might be moved out of London in 2009?




OMG!!!!11!, etc.

They're gonna lose their mates, they're gonna stay out late

TUNE O’ THE WEEK
Hadouken! - Love, Sweat and Beer

Hadouken!’s raviest tune yet sees them digging up the corpses of Awesome 3, Altern 8, SL2 (and probably a few other acts with numbers in their names) and resuscitating them with their own brand of grime rock voodoo. As per all the band’s recent tracks it’s about nothing more than everyday concerns like going to gigs and getting off with sexy strangers - basically like an audio-described version of the party scenes from Skins. Critics will point to a lack of variation in Hadouken!’s song structures and lyrical themes. They will be missing the point.

9/10

It needs saying

Klaxons deserved to win the Mercury Music Prize (whatever the fuck that is) for their amazing album but it is an absolute disgrace that Patrick Wolf didn't even get a nomination while both The View AND The Young Knives were both 'given nods'. What is the world coming to, etc.

For the record, 2007's best albums:

1) Klaxons - Myths Of The Near Future
2) Patrick Wolf - The Magic Position
3) MIA - Kala

Possibly.

Wow, what was the Mercury Prize: two, three weeks ago?

That's us: on the pulse, as ever.