The HYG Calendar Club!

Calendar news now; and the start of a short new series where we name the best - and shame the worst - celebrity calendars right up until they actually become useful. Using this guide will help you decide on and save up for the calendar that’s right for you, so you can impress Calendar Club temps everywhere with your slick buying skills and avoid making a ridiculous idiot of yourself when it comes to actually hanging the thing up in January.

And what better way to kick off the guide than with Girls Aloud, who are well on their way to becoming seasoned players of the calendar game? Last year’s GA calendar was a triumph of what they call ‘class‘, ‘style’ and ‘sex-appeal’ in a world inhabited by ridiculous SOAP BABES and HUNKS, and made full use of two very important things, posh frocks and Nicola’s legs (is that three things?) to become one of the best-selling pop calendars of 2006. It featured, amongst other things:

• A Caravan!
• A Motorbike!!
• A MASSIVE Wicker Chair!!!

Which of course made it absolutely brilliant, but what about this year’s effort? We’ve seen the 2007 version and, well, pour me a Daiquiri if we’re not going camping, Thelma. It’s like they’ve locked Kitsch and Camp in a room together, plied them both with stacks of red wine and told them to do what comes naturally, and this is the result. Sailor suits? Check. ‘Kinky’ Police outfits? Check! Top Hats? Check!! TOP HATS!

This might all be amazing if we didn’t fear for the blow it could deal the band’s already-shaky grip on Credibility. GA suffer enough from fools who know nothing about anything repeatedly shouting that they’re a novelty act without trussing them up and making them wave truncheons about. Honestly, the whole thing brings to mind The Great Holly Valance Calendar Debacle of 2004 (June that year was a very grave month for Ms. Valance’s dignity).

It’s not all bad. Some shots do recall past triumphs, and if we’re honest, we’ve always wanted to see Sarah Harding being made to look stupid, but on the whole this calendar is a quite bizarre addition to the Girls Aloud ‘canon’ of ‘work‘. Recommended if you’re the kind of person who buys dressing-up kits from market stalls, but best avoided if you think for one second that you have the kind of respectability that’s worth holding onto. Hmm.