05 March 2007

Ten Things We Learnt From The NME Awards

1. Alex Turner will regret all of this one day.

2. Indie musicians are like those people who sit there at parties, refusing to acknowledge the existence of anyone other than the people they deem to be as cool or cooler than themselves.

3.Therefore they will not laugh at any joke unless it is made by Noel fucking Gallagher.

4. The Philip Hall radar wasn’t really switched on this year.

5. Ronnie Vannucci from The Killers is really into his drumming. Imagine the face he pulls when he orgasms! Actually, DO NOT DO THAT.

6. The View are from Scotland but speak fluent Spanish at all times.

7. INDIE LOSERS! Get your hair cut, you’ll never get a job looking like that. Treat yourself to a nice short back and sides like that young man from Hard Fi, then no one will hilariously mistake you for a member of the Bay City Rollers or whatever.

8. Brandon Flowers does not like jokes about Biggie Smalls. Slate Tupac all you want, but dare to take the B.I.G.’s name in vain and you will be given a heavy dose of Brandon’s “I Am Not Laughing” face.

9. Nicola Roberts is not comfortable with Sarah Harding’s drinking.

10. And if that’s the result of Joe Mott saving Sarah “from a BOOZE HELL!!!” etc., can we suggest that he sticks to his day job? Or at least give up the day job and then not become a drink counsellor? That would be amazing.

2 comments:

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