This Brings It All Back

After Jo O’Meara’s terrible performance on Celebrity Big Brother, and Hannah Spearritt’s even worse one on ITV’s ‘Primeval’, we thought it would be nice to find out what the other S Clubbers were ‘up to’ these days.

Unfortunately, it proved difficult to find much cast-iron information on the whereabouts of some band members, so we had to rely on sources.

When we say we relied on sources, we of course mean, “made it up”, but if it’s good enough for Victoria Newton…

Tina Barrett
After leaving the band, Tina was embarrassed to find newspaper photos of her removing chewing gum from the soles of her shoes had been falsely interpreted as an advertising campaign. However, she went along with it anyway, and made millions of pounds. Stick that up your arse, Liquid News.

Jon Lee
After successfully vanquishing his nemesis, Leee John, the singer made a quiet move into theatre, starring in several musicals. Things went awry soon after though, when he was kicked out of Les Miserables for bullying the other children.

Paul Cattermole
Famously left S Club 7 early to become a serious rock musician. The only trouble with his plan was that he chose a nineties rock genre to ‘operate’ in, causing the whole project to bomb. He should have chosen a noughties genre like ‘Hardcore / Emo’ if he’d wanted success; just look at how well Charlie Simpson is doing now.

Bradley McIntosh
May or may not be in a boyband formed off the telly. We can’t really remember how it all ended. At the behest of the BBC, Bradley was once beaten up by Jack Osbourne, “for charity”.

Rachel Stevens (Yes, THE Rachel Stevens)
Stuck valiantly at the pop game; her debut solo single was the brilliant ‘Sweet Dreams My L.A. Ex’. Her first album was a bit hit and miss, but that doesn’t really matter because her second one was amazing, featuring ‘collabs’ with Richard X, Xenomania and basically all the right people. Remains criminally overlooked as a solo pop star and now gets by doing God knows what.

So there we have it. What a difference four years (has it really been that long?) makes.

FYI, S Club 7 were a pop band in the time before writing credits became fashionable. They were in their own television shows and films, and released records including the seminal and still-danceable ‘Don’t Stop Movin’. Basically they were a bit like the Monkees, while at the same time being absolutely nothing like The Monkees at all, if that makes sense.