Newton On Song

Showbiz journalist, sociology professor, avid follower of Liverpool FC; now you can add ‘satirist’ and ‘whiz with words’ to Victoria Newton’s growing list of talents.

Commenting on the troubles surrounding Amy Winehouse - most of which Newton herself has helped to create - the nation’s favourite pop hack thought she’d offer her own spin on a couple old standards, giving them a spooftastic twist.

“In, out, in, out, Blake
is always about,
Amy does some cokey
and she turns around,
That’s what it’s all
about.”

Ahem.

It’s helpfully labelled ‘to the tune of the Hokey Cokey’, just in case you, quite rightly, had NO FUCKING IDEA what Vicky was blathering on about. “Amy does some Cokey”? The woman sounds like someone’s gran trying to be cool. Then again she looks like someone’s gran trying to be cool too, so we suppose it’s to be expected.

Not content with dishing out her peculiar form of justice via mere playground singalongs, Professor Newton also spoofs Amy’s hit ‘Rehab’ - with hilarious results.

“They tried to make me
go to rehab,
I said yes..
no, then yes again.”

…

FUCK OFF.