Obscurer with Paul Smith!

He's back!

Hi fans!

I bet you’re glad to see me back (and relieved!) but in reality there was never any chance of me giving up this column so easily. I just found that review so hurtful that I felt it appropriate to withdraw from public life for a while. I’ve been living in Gateshead, on that bridge where all the naked people were. To be honest it’s been fucking freezing, so I’m glad to be back.

Anyway, today’s old record is ‘You Keep Me Hanging On’ by Bonnie and Shelia. The track is a horns ‘n’ organs funk classic that encapsulates what it feels like to be in love, but from a slightly stalker-ish perspective. It is not really made clear whether the object of Bonnie and Sheila’s desire is an amazing bastard who never calls, or a complete stranger that the two of them have seen somewhere, possibly in a bar, or on a ‘sidewalk’, and fallen in love with.

It reminds me of the time I was kept hanging on, by BT, who had me at a payphone for 40 minutes and still weren’t able to solve my problem. I wanted to get my phone connected so I could get broadband in my flat, but the guy was like, “you’ve got to pay £150”, or something, and I’m like, “I doubt it mate, not just to flick a switch at the exchange” and he’s going, “can you hold on for a moment”, while he goes off to check something, so I’m sat there listening to some random Pavarotti (rest in peace by the way) track, which was quite good but not helping me get broadband, and then the guy comes back with, “I’ve checked and the price I’ve given you is the correct one”, and I say, “well can you check again, is there anyone you can speak to, because I’m not paying that - not just to have somebody switch my phone line on”, and he goes off again, and it went on like that for about 40 minutes I was VERY UNHAPPY.

See you next time kids.

Paul
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