Call it a day, Borrell

After the success of Five Reasons Why Calvin Harris Is An Amazing Popstar, we got our 'star columnist' Cherry T back for another rant, this time about Mr. Jonathan Borrell of Shoreditch Parish…


Hello. Recently I had the misfortune of seeing Razorlight perform a show in Edinburgh.

Luckily for me I did not pay for the tickets, or else I would have shot my own feet off for being so utterly stupid. The experience left such a bitter taste I had to write this:


5 Reasons Why You Should NOT Go And See Johnny Borrell Perform With Razorlight.

1) His distinct lack of taste when it comes to clothes. Any top with a ‘cleavage show’ should only be sold to people who have two X chromosomes. I wouldn’t necessarily mind if Borrell had any form of musculature, but he doesn’t, so there we go.

2) The second Razorlight album is boring. This might sound harsh but it is true. I liked their earlier stuff but if I hadn’t got into this gig for free I would have requested a fee for turning up.

3)In July 2005, Razorlight performed at London’s Hyde Park for Live 8 (you may remember Johnny ’controversially’ swearing on BBC1). They were the only band that did not donate their extra revenue to charity. The band subsequently claimed that due to their "fledgling status" and overall greed, they were unable to make such a commitment. Ergo, Razorlight hate orphans, especially ones from the third world.

4) Snaggle-toothed Kirsten Dunst recently dumped Johnny Borrell for “being a slob“. If the man isn’t good enough for THAT droopy-eyed fuckwit, he sure as hell ain’t good enough for the rest of us! He is a walking advert for Sorting Yourself Out.

5) Hypocrisy. In May 2006, Johnny Borrell commented that The Kooks music was “shit” and the that the lead singer is “boring”. Although Borrell was largely correct in making these remarks, he simply cannot talk.

Seeing Razorlight live is a cold and uninvolving experience. The only time I felt like singing along was when Borrell pronounced “I really, really wish I could be somewhere else”. In fact, I shouted along to that bit, while throwing popcorn at the stage. It was the only time I’ve ever agreed with Johnny Borrell.

Thank you.

X


(Thanks to Cherry T for this).