The Revelations are obsessed with you

As you may know, one of the entries in this year’s Eurovision: Look, Just Fucking Pick One competition was ’It’s You’ by The Revelations. It was good, in a 60s girlgroup sort of way, but sadly it did not win - that bin man off X Factor was ‘given the nod’ instead.

This is probably because - as the chorus of their song suggests - The Revelations were too busy thinking about you (you‘re all they think about everyday, see) to focus on winning the contest.

Here are five things The Revelations might want to think about instead of you.

1) The other vowels - a, e, i and o. (SORRY).

2) Global Warming. When out shopping, the band’s Louise Masters often requests that her groceries are ‘double bagged’, a practice which is killing not only dolphins and fish but also the planet as a whole.

3) ‘Puppet Chancellor’ Alistair Darling’s first budget. The Revelations are well-known in their hometown for cruising around in a gas-guzzling 4x4, making them taxation losers.

4) The Pipettes. There are lessons to be learned here.

5) Places to store their old clocks. The Revelations own the second largest collection of antique timepieces in the northern hemisphere, ranging from pocket watches to grandfather clocks. “Knowing where to put them is a headache”, admits Annika.

So there you go.

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