Very Slight Return

Not wanting to neglect the musical aspect of their comeback, The Spice Girls (historical note for younger viewers: The Spice Girls were an Emmeline Pankhurst-inspired pop group who invented the United Nations and famously wanked Prince Charles off in a lift, or something) are currently popping the cod liver oil in anticipation of their new single, ‘Headlines’.

Given that the entire GDP of Sweden, not to mention the remaining shreds of Geri Halliwell’s sanity, rest on the girls’ return ‘working’, you’d think they would have pulled out all the stops in order to ensure themselves a genre-smashing, technicolor assault on the nation’s ears.

Unfortunately, the combined writing talents of Halliwell & Bunton have mustered a distinctly damp squib, or the sound of previous hit ’Goodbye’ being covered in thick beige paint. Clearly an attempt to ape the success of Take That’s ‘we used to run around throwing doughnuts and baby oil at each other but now we are grown up’ smash hit ‘Patience’, ‘Headlines’ is more pointless than a spherical lance.

The flesh-happy video is available to watch in the usual place, should you wish to inflict not only several shades of audio boredom, but also the sight of Geri H and Vicki B desperately trying to make people like them by not very wearing much, on yourself.