Mutton Dressed As Lamb

Recently you may have heard a song called ‘I Wanna Have Your Babies’. You may have been impressed by its production, or its jaunty way with a hook. You might also have noted that it is quite the 21st century pop record: the playful beat and estuary rapping, the ‘mm mm mm mm mm mm’ bit, the issue-based lyrics. Heck, with all that going on, it could almost be a Lily Allen song!

Do not be fooled.

The fact is that ‘I Wanna Have Your Babies’ is a Natasha Bedingfield song (she did all that whining two years ago about being ‘sin-gu-uu-ul’ and bruising easily). That’s right, HER; the slightly less attractive sister of Daniel. A woman more annoying than being shot dead on your last day of duty. As a dinner lady.

“But it’s a good song!”, people will cry, “leave her alone!” Again, don’t be fooled. While it might sound as though Bedingfield has put her awfulness behind her and joined pop’s cool club, a few listens to the track reveal that it is basically terrible.

In fact, listen to it more than five times and you yourself can hear the sound of what you thought previously to be a fairly pleasant pop song becoming a tired, repetitive, pointless exercise in cynicism with the vocal of a dying dog. And from then on, boy will it grate.

Rubbish songs pretending to be good songs are nothing new, but in the wrong hands these musical charades can be deadly. If as a consequence of this song Natasha finds herself mentioned in the same creative breath as Lily Allen or Amy Winehouse then we might as well pack up and call it day right now.

Here are some of the reasons why the song is dangerous rubbish:

1) It’s by Natasha Bedingfield.
2) The bit where she shouts the word ‘trust’ sounds like she’s opened a portal directly to hell as opposed to her actual mouth.
3) LISTEN TO THE FUCKING ENDING.
4) The only way to get away with using ‘whoops’ in a pop song is to be sarcastic and/or nonchalant about it, not sound like you’ve just sat on a small person by accident on the tube.
5) “Babies, babies, babies, babies…”
6) It is basically just shit.

Remember, pop fans: do not be fooled by cheap imitations. Accept only the best! x