They say things are bad north of the border. They say that there’re babies smacked right to the back of their necks on “broon” and “crarck” and stuff, and that the adults are either too stupid, or too pissed, to do anything about it. They say these things, but who listens?
Who listens? Victoria Newton listens, that‘s who! And because she listens, she has a unique understanding of Scotland, its people and what it means to be Scottish. That’s why she was exclusively able to reveal on Saturday that Jon out of The Fratellis was “a true Scot” before he was famous. She can say that because she knows about Scottish people and what they’re like. But what does Vicky actually mean when she calls Jon a “true Scot”?
Why, she means he was poor of course! Truly Scottish!
Yes, years of listening to what they say about Scotland has convinced dear Victoria that the millions who live there - or at least, the true Scots amongst them - are really just a bunch of lazy, tight-arsed “losers”!
“Sounds like Fratteli is a true Scot when it comes to cash”, she sagely notes, before revealing the hilarious depths of his pre-fame poverty. GASP as Jon chooses not to waste money drying clothes on radiators! LAUGH as he sells a £600 guitar for just £150 in a desperate attempt to clear his debts! GIVE YOURSELF A HERNIA over Jon patently failing to afford a bed to sleep in! What a story! What a true Scot!
And Victoria’s final word on the matter? “Let’s hope he’s more domesticated these days…” Yes Victoria, let’s hope so! And let’s hope all the other stingy bastards sort themselves out too. In the meantime, keep up the good work professor Newton!
PS. If “a true Scot when it comes to money” = “incredibly poor”, does that make Victoria Newton a true Scot when it comes to journalism?
