The Agony and the X Tour See

The X Factor Tour juggernaut rolled into town at the weekend and we sent along a spy to give us full details of what shit went down. Rumours at street level were that Leona Lewis would be making a guest appearance on the night, but these turned out to be untrue. She was far too busy being a success to bother with bollocks like this.

The photos our man took are not only amazing (almost up there with our own in-house efforts) but also tell the story of the night in a sort of picture-based form. They are coming up, but first, here is the story of the night IN WORDS:

ON Futureproof: “Laughable. Embarrassing.”

ON Niki: “Really good singer and very funny. The crowd warmed to her.”

ON The Rubbish Auditionees: “The wheeling-out of that little Oriental woman is bordering on being exploitative now. I hope she’s got a lawyer.”

ON Rhydian: “He seemed to be in an otherworldly trance during his performance, like he had his mind on something else. Maybe he’s locked his cat out and just remembered. He did about four songs, including a sailor-suited rendition of Go West. Good singer but weird.”

ON Hope: “…”

ON Same Difference: “Sarah is unbelievably fit. They did that one with the beds and all the jumping on the beds and then people run across the stage and that. I wasn’t really listening, I was looking at Sarah. They are very touchy-feely for a brother and sister. There’s definitely something going on there…”

ON Leon: “Fucking shit but at least he didn‘t cry.”

Before the show, giant images of Kelly off Coronation Street were projected into the arena.


A happy crowd, but not one immune to being ripped off. “It was £3.95 for a cup of beer”, notes our reviewer, incandescent with overpriced hop-fuelled rage. “A CUP, mind - not even a bloody pint. I was basically sober.”

Clearly not that sober.


X Factor Tour, then: better if you leave before Leon‘s bit.

(Thanks to John H for the report).